How You Love Me Now

So, avoiding someone that you desperately want to talk to is really, really hard.

I wanna talk to Macey. [That one girl.]

So, last year while I was in Peru, I kept a journal where I wrote to Macey every day, [just about] and talked to her. Through paper. I kept it in a notebook that I gave her when I got back.

I planned on doing the same thing this year, in hte same notebook.

Well, now that we aren't talking I dunno if I'm still going to give her the book. I may just copy them all into here and let you guys read it.

But, I asked her last night to bring the notebook to school, and after an awkward ten text message long conversation, I got it back. And, then she like, tried to hug me, I think? Her and Sean tried to group hug me, but I sorta ducked under his arm and walked to my French class.

I feel like a total dick.

Should I avoid her? Should I let things go as normal?

Stop trying to get over her?

On a completely other note, I think my mom wishes I weren't who I am.

She seems to hate everything I do. The way I dress. My oversion to make up, high heels and dresses.

I think she even hates that I'm gay.

It makes me really sad. I don't try to piss her off. I just am me. I can't help that I am who I am.

I have my preferences just like her. She hates wearing blue jeans. I hate wearing dresses.

I dunno. I just really think she prefers my older and younger sisters. [Because according to my mom, I'm actually a boy.]

It just makes me really nervous. To know that I'm constantly disappointing her.

Every time I turn around, she's disgusted with every thing I do.

It's flat out annoying, too.

DAYS UNTIL I LEAVE FOR PERU: 19
SONG BY: HEY MONDAY